President Donald Trump restricted the Associated Press from the Oval Office and Air Force One in February. Now, he’s found the perfect replacement: Nickelodeon.
Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt announced that Nickelodeon will be taking the spot of the AP in all official press pool occasions on Sunday morning.
Nickelodeon, after its recent success with commentaries, took the invitation with open arms and assembled its reporting team.
Spongebob and Patrick, of “Spongebob Squarepants” fame, were employed as play-by-play announcers for Super Bowl LVIII in 2024.
Their new venture is like that, except democracy is on the line rather than another Kansas City Chiefs’ win.
“The President is excited for Nickelodeon to bring a fresh sense of fairness and professionalism,” Leavitt said.
The Trump administration took control of the White House press pool in late February, leaving the executive branch to decide which outlets are allowed to cover the president rather than having the White House Correspondents’ Association decide.
At Nickelodeon’s corporate office in New York City, spokesperson Nikki Lodeon provided the company’s perspective.
“This is a great day for America,” Lodeon said. “We can’t wait to usher in a new era of media democracy.”
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The AP originally had the seat located directly in front of the podium. Nickelodeon will now have that coveted spot.
Dora Márquez, better known as Dora the Explorer, was brought on Monday as Nickelodeon’s White House correspondent.
Dora pledged to challenge mainstream media narratives and always question the White House.
“I’m so happy for Dora,” said Bart Richey, an NBC News correspondent. “This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for her.”
On Monday, Dora entered the briefing room for the first time. When every reporter raised their hand to ask questions, Leavitt determined that it was fairest to close her eyes and play eenie-meenie-miney-moe to pick reporters.
Her first pick was White House correspondent Dora.
“Can you let President Trump know that sneaky fox is always trying to swipe our stuff?” Dora asked.
Leavitt was initially taken aback. “Justin Trudeau?” she asked hesitantly.
Reporters began taking notes.
Dora looked over at the reporters and asked Backpack to retrieve her notepad as well, shocked that the White House figured out the fox’s identity.
“If he sees him, make sure he says ‘Swiper, no swiping!'” Dora shouted.
Dora’s questions pushed the boundaries set by the typical woke media, and her behavior within the press pool seemed unorthodox to many.
When The Washington Post’s Phil Jackson asked about DOGE accidentally firing officials working to address the bird flu, Dora interrupted his question.
“Can you say Department of Government Efficiency?” Dora asked, turning to look at the reporters in the room.
For a split second, the two-dimensional character disappeared while turning sideways, leaving the reporters in shock and awe.
“Hold on, what the hell?” asked a confused Rosalyn Smith, a reporter for CNN. “Where did she go?”
When Dora reappeared, the correspondent from Voice of America enthusiastically said, “Department of Government Efficiency!” The others looked on in confusion.
“Muy bien!” Dora exclaimed about ten seconds later. She then sat back down.
“Who tucks in President Trump when he goes to bed?” Dora later asked when Leavitt called on her yet again.
“Elon Musk,” Leavitt replied.
As Leavitt somehow picked Dora every time, the journalists became increasingly agitated. Several of them started wailing in the back of the room.
“That’s so unfair!” pouted The Washington Post’s Phil Jackson. “She’s such a meanie poopy-pants.”
It is unclear why Jackson was speaking like a toddler given that he has two master’s degrees. Other reporters suggested that Dora’s presence took him back to when he watched her as a child.
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After Glenn Streisand, a correspondent for ABC, shouted a question about a stopgap resolution, he was escorted out of the briefing room by Johnny Bravo.
“Woah, mama!” Johnny Bravo said as he escorted him out.
Leavitt told the remainder of the wide-eyed journalists that Cartoon Network will soon be replacing ABC.
“Nickelodeon isn’t a serious news organization!” a bewildered Streisand later said. “And don’t you think the monkey is a little unsanitary?”
Boots, Dora’s monkey, did not respond to requests for comment. It was initially suggested that this was because Boots could not talk, but independent investigation proved that to be untrue.
After the briefing, Dora could be heard asking “Who can we ask for help when we don’t know which way to go?” She wandered around the White House chanting “map” for about an hour before a security guard helped her find her way.
Lodeon thanked Leavitt for prioritizing the company’s “utterly unbiased and objective coverage” Monday afternoon.
“Our ratings will be soaring!” Lodeon said.
Lodeon later added when speaking to a gaggle of reporters that the success of Dora’s coverage will lead the children’s television network to capitalize on the world of facts.
“Henry Danger as the new Pentagon spokesman,” Lodeon said. “iCarly at DOGE. The PAW Patrol on the scene when another hurricane hits.”
The future may not be bright, but it will be highly saturated with vocal intonations that could cause a fierce migraine.
Welcome to the post-truth world, America. Can you say profit motive?
Edited by George Headley, Sophia Ramirez and Katrina Michalak.
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Carsten OyerPolitics Reporter
Carsten is a freshman studying journalism and mass communication. This is his first semester with The State Press. He also worked as his high school’s newspaper editor-in-chief.
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